The next page of A Miracle of Science is up. In it, Doctor Haas is propositioned via espionage. permanent link
Perhaps the best way to confront the world's problems is to make fun of them. Certainly the creator of Kim Jong Il's online journal believes this. Tuesday, March 18th, 2003 9:23 pm Today I was so depressed I wrote an opera. I want it to come out in the summer which means we have to start casting in the spring, which means I have to order the kidnappings like next week. I am so busy. permanent link
Not quite a musical toy, not quite a Shockwave game, but restful nonetheless: Noctiluca Neonlight. Allow the Shockwave app to load, then press the wide, rounded button to begin. Move the mouse to change the app's behavior; click to move to the next visual. permanent link

28 March 2003 ::

Nein! Mein geliebtes Bauerndorf!

Go read some articles at the National Radio Astronomy Observatory website. (Link found via a visitor to Angels sent by Maximum Verbosity.) permanent link
At last, a liberal has proposed to the conservatives a political arrangement we moderates* can all sort-of live with. (Warning: Contains many bad words.) My favorite compromise is: "You let us choke Rush Limbaugh to death with a copy of the Bill of Rights and we’ll let you stone all of the remaining Kennedys to death." Heck, I'd vote for a Senator who ran on that sentence as his/her entire political platform. * By definition, I am at the center of the political spectrum. Everyone, in their hearts, believes this of themselves. permanent link
Baywatch and Knight Rider star David Hasselhoff is apparently the antichrist. permanent link

27 March 2003 ::

The microscope reveals the scope of my very best intentions

The newest page of A Miracle of Science is up. It contains mad scientists in love. permanent link
US Central Command has put online the leaflets it has been dropping on Iraqi troops. The leaflets are simple, iconic, and written with the presumption that the Iraqi troops are mildly stunned turnips that will believe anything as long as it is printed on cardstock. permanent link	Alyce Wilson

26 March 2003 ::

He could've at least admired how elegant my solution was before making it 'splode

If you're looking for information about environmental hazards in your area, you need the EPA EnviroMapper. (Presuming you live in the United States. Elsewhere, please consult your local governmental agency or alien overlord.) permanent link
After leaving his posh home in Conshohocken, Saddam Hussein drives the 8400 miles to his office in Baghdad (detouring around construction along I-95 and bomb craters on Saddam the Saviour Highway). As he drives, he will pass billboards requesting that he step down. permanent link

25 March 2003 ::

At least now we won't have to worry about that strategic alliance between Saddam Hussein and the Decepticons --Fred Coppersmith

Over in the discussion group, Mike Ryan reports that one of the soldiers (presumably an American) had stencilled "Shai Hulud" on his helmet. I can see it now... In the name of George "Muad Dub'ya" Atreides we must conquer Iraq! The evil Duke Husseinnen killed his father, and must pay for his crimes! The oil must flow. permanent link
Read Bob! permanent link
A photo of Fred Coppersmith was linked from some site or other that was eating more of his bandwidth than he cared to give up. So he replaced a picture of himself as a nattily attired Viking with a picture of a scary man with the morals of a Styrofoam cup* admonishing people for stealing bandwidth. Fred is my new hero! * The real scary man with the morals of a Styrofoam cup is Alexander Haig, but work with me here! permanent link
The war in Iraq opened with a new kind of information warfare in which radio stations broadcast calls to lay down arms and telephones urged soldiers not to use chemical or biological weapons. I'm not behind the war in Iraq (at least not until after we've cleaned up real threats to the United States and our allies) but this is certainly a clever way to prosecute a war. permanent link
I've been quoted in the newsletter of the Penn State Monty Python Society. This makes me feel old, somehow. permanent link

24 March 2003 ::

It's kind of a mob-let; a light throng

A Miracle of Science: 105% of your recommended daily allowance of perkiness. permanent link

A crater near the city of Rome was formed right around the time Rome fell. Even though the crater has been known about for a long time, it was not until recently that scientist Jens Ormö realized what it meant. In the early fifth century, rampaging Goths swept through Italy. Inviolate for 1,100 years, Rome was sacked by the hordes in 410 AD. St Augustine's apologia, the City of God, set the tone for Christians for the next 16 centuries. But the Rome of that era came close to suffering a far worse calamity. A small metallic asteroid descended from the sky, making a hypervelocity impact in an Apennine valley just 60 miles east of the city. This bus-sized lump of cosmic detritus vaporised as it hit the ground. In doing so, it released energy equivalent to around 200 kilotonnes of TNT: around 15 times the power of the atomic bomb that levelled Hiroshima in 1945. permanent link

21 March 2003 ::

Now that I've finished with that, I can get on to those other things I've been meaning to do, such as monkey-wrenching the demolition and saving recreational linguistics for future generations

There is water - in the form of brine - on Mars. permanent link
In case you needed proof the world has gone mad, look no further: there are airspace restrictions in place over New York, Washington...and both Disney theme parks. Is there a restriction over any of the other places which have received possible threats? Nope, just Disney. permanent link

20 March 2003 ::

Selecting Blendolini Causes Choco-Banana Shake Hang

The war in Iraq should be over in a trice now that Optimus Prime of the Transformers is being deployed there. I am not making this up. permanent link	Joe Foering
Yesterday this page received a hit from someone searching Google for "how to be turned to a vampire by another real vampire in Illinois." Today this page received a hit from someone searching for "really vampires who live in Illinois that will turn 16 year old girls to vampires." (AfAP is the number one hit for that second one for reasons which I cannot fathom.) Those search terms make me rather depressed. To the young lady, should she find this page a third time: I suggest speaking to your parents. Or a grandparent. Or a teacher. Please. It will help. permanent link
Teach your five-year-old the secrets of the Universe with the theory of relativity in words of four letters or less. Old Al, he came out the blue and said, "Not only do rays move at c if what puts them out is held fast or not: they move at c even if you are held fast or not." Now that may not look like such a big deal on the face of it, but hold on. What this says is that you can move as fast or as slow as you want, and rays will go by you at c all the time. You can have a pal run past you and when you both look at a ray go by at the same time, you will both see the same ray go by at c! That is a bit wild, no? You, back in that void, you just can not say if you move or not -- with the lamp or no. Not that you can't tell: it can't be said. It's moot! But for that to be true, then time also has to get in on the act. For you and your pal to see the same ray go by at the same clip, her idea of time must be off from your idea of time! permanent link	Jessica Gothie
Today is the birthday of regular AfAP reader Matt Smith. For his birthday he is getting a war in Iraq! permanent link
The newest page of A Miracle of Science contains the Law of Threes - as well as Mark's usual plan, which ends in "and then we make a swift getaway." permanent link

19 March 2003 ::

Live from the previous location of Baghdad

The Microsoft Knowledge Base, a large collection of articles on how to (hopefully) fix Microsoft products when they stop working properly, contains the text of a Paul Bunyan story. permanent link
It is a sign that the world has gone to hell that my first thought upon waking up in the morning (after the usual consciousness reboot process of "Who am I? Where am I? Why am I wearing a policeman's hat and ballerina shoes?") is "I wonder if we're going to war yet." permanent link

18 March 2003 ::

Someday, I'll tell you why I'm so smug

In the English city of York is a street called The Shambles, which has been occupied for at least 900 years. The Shambles is often called Europe's best preserved medieval street, although the name is also used to collectively refer to the surrounding maze of narrow, twisting lanes and alleys as well. The street itself is mentioned in the Domesday Book, so we know that it has been in continuous existence for over 900 years. The Shambles has the effect of a time machine, transporting you back to the Elizabethan period. The houses that jostle for space along The Shambles project out over the lane in their upper stories, as if trying to meet their neighbours opposite. In some places the street is so narrow that if you stand with arms outstretched you can touch the houses on both sides. permanent link

Everyone in the world has a cooler name than me. In India, you can vote for Frankenstein because many people in the state of Meghalaya believe that giving their children fun names is good for them. These unlikely names have their roots in Meghalaya's tribal groups who like to sound knowledgeable by naming their children after great leaders. The names are also part of a culture where laughter is considered important. Meghalaya's three major tribes, the Khasis, the Garos and Jaintias all have Laugh Clubs. Giving their children whacky names is part of the fun... "We believe if we laugh heartily at least once or twice a day, we will live long." permanent link

17 March 2003 ::

Why don't we attack Hatefulburg or Evilania?

Speaking of the world of the strange and wondrous, the National Inquirer...I mean, the New York Times is reporting on a carp that purportedly spoke to a fishmonger. Next, we hear about Bigfoot seen talking to Michael Bloomberg! I particularly liked this line from the item: "The station had an advertiser, a gefilte fish manufacturer, who considered changing his slogan to `Our fish speaks for itself,' but decided people would be offended," he said. permanent link
The world is a strange and wondrous place that provides a free Japanese word processor to the world, available for download even in your giant-robot-proof Earth Defense Force bunker! permanent link	Jessica Gothie
A treatise on rubber band combat will help you survive the rigors of office combat. permanent link
Today's lesson from A Miracle of Science: be polite to the pretty transcendent being. permanent link

14 March 2003 ::

"Crazy killer robots ate my brain" and other love stories

Scientists doing research with the Hubble Space Telescope have found a planet which is being boiled away by its star, around which the planet is in close orbit. The planet is losing hydrogen in a long, comet-like tail. permanent link
Aw, crud, the Future is finally here and I wasn't ready for it - brain prosthetics are in the testing phase. The artificial hippocampus was designed to simulate - and thereby replace - part of a living brain. Shades of Hans Moravec! permanent link
Alyce points to this online kaleidoscope, which doesn't seem to work for me. I hope you guys have more luck with it, because it looks pretty cool. permanent link	Alyce Wilson

13 March 2003 ::

Quod dixi cur est

A Miracle of Science is new. Go and read the poetry. Yes, poetry. permanent link
This is really, really clever. What The Font will allow you to upload a picture (in a number of different formats) containing text, then will identify the fonts in its database which are closest to the sample you uploaded. Never again will you wonder which wacky font Apple used in its latest advertising campaign! permanent link
New analysis of sand from the site in New South Wales where Mungo Man was recovered is shedding new light on the arrival of the first Australians. The new dating supports the Out of Africa theory of human evolution - or, at least, the new dating doesn't contradict the Out of Africa theory, whereas the previous dating did. permanent link

12 March 2003 ::

Hey, wow, me and the President agree on something! Except he was lying when he said it.

Remember the Peace Dividend? Well, call this the War Dividend: If you are among a select group of plutocrats, you can bid on a nine hundred million dollar US government contract to rebuild Iraq after a war. A few U.S. construction giants -- including the Bechtel Group Inc., Halliburton Co. and Fluor Corp. -- were invited to bid for the work on an emergency basis. Analysts said the companies hope to win the contract and position themselves for such future projects as the repair and development of the country's oil industry... To speed the project, USAID invoked special authority to solicit bids from selected companies, which include the Louis Berger Group Inc., a significant U.S. contractor in Afghanistan. The move bypassed the usual rules that would have permitted a wider array of companies to seek the contract, first reported by Time magazine and the Wall Street Journal. Vice President Cheney spent five years as chief executive of one competitor, Houston-based energy services company Halliburton. The Pentagon announced Thursday that Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root is developing a plan under an existing contract to fight Iraqi oil well fires... Construction industry executives said the firms are competing fiercely in part because they believe it could provide an inside track to postwar business opportunities. A significant prize: oil industry contracts.... "The most sophisticated firms that come in first and establish goodwill with the locals obviously will reap huge benefits down the road," [George Washington University law professor Steven] Schooner said. "These are going to become brand names in Iraq. That's huge." permanent link
Bush, who is notoriously afraid to give press conferences, put on a puppet show of a press conference a few days ago at which he selected journalists from a pre-written list who had pre-prepared questions. The journalists, who frankly don't deserve the title, pretended to jockey for Bush's attention, making the whole play look like it was real. I am disgusted. Insulted. I say we dissolve the media and elect a new one. permanent link
Fred Coppersmith has requested that people consider submitting to his web-based magazine Lethe Dreams. It will focus on science fiction and fantasy, be of a relatively open format, and is extremely, daringly open to submissions. Which is another way of saying that Fred really, really wants you to submit something. I know that many of my regular readers are amateur writers of one kind or another. So go look at Fred's proposal, then submit something! permanent link

11 March 2003 ::

It would be simpler if we just allowed for the direct election of the political advisor

And then there are the days when I am very, very proud of my country. The United States is rescuing an entire people from slavery and fear. But finding a new home for the Bantu refugees here has not been easy. First Tanzania and then Mozambique, the Bantu's ancestral homelands, agreed to take the tribe. Both impoverished countries ultimately reneged, saying they could not afford to resettle the group. In 1999, the United States determined that the Somali Bantu tribe was a persecuted group eligible for resettlement. The number of African refugees approved for admission in the United States surged from 3,318 in 1990 to 20,084 a decade later as the cold war ended and American officials focused on assisting refugees beyond those fleeing Communist countries. "I don't think Somalia is my country because we Somali Bantus have seen our people treated like donkeys there," said Fatuma Abdekadir, 20, who was waiting for her class to start. "I think my country is where I am going. "There, there is peace. Nobody can treat you badly. Nobody can come into your house and beat you." permanent link
A note to the morons in the House of Representatives who are dissing France: the country is our oldest ally. France helped us win independence from England. France's democratically elected leadership is implementing the stated will of the French people. If you don't like it, explain to the French people why they should change their minds. Until then, keep the childish crap in the House cloakroom where I don't have to notice it. permanent link
I'm pretty sure that if I found out why someone was searching for robot ghengis moon on Google (and thereby found this site), I would go mad, discover a secret government conspiracy, find God, or all three. permanent link
The Federalist Papers are online in their entirety. permanent link
If you need to explain the government to small children, there's a site called Ben's Guide that will help you. Be careful, though, as it contains such ambiguous statements as: Our Government: Why do we need a government? Imagine what your school would be like if no one was in charge. Each class would make its own rules. Who gets to use the gym if two classes want to use it at the same time? Who would clean the classrooms? Who decides if you learn about Mars or play kickball? As Alyce puts it, "Not having a government sounds like fun! I can see it now, a kindergarten anarchist movement! Woo-hoo!" permanent link	Alyce Wilson

10 March 2003 ::

I burn with the angst of 1000 teenagers

Meteorite impacts in the ice of Europa may have created sparks of electricity which could have catalyzed complex organic compounds from the water, methane, and ammonia in the moon's ice. This is good news for the search for life on Europa. permanent link
Science has once again vindicated laziness, as researchers discover that using dishwashers uses less water and power than does cleaning dishes by hand. permanent link

7 March 2003 ::

Because nine out of ten sentient life forms just don't pay their brain bill

A Pennsylvania judge is attempting to sue for her alleged defamation by means of an anonymous Internet chat room statement. permanent link

Jessica Gothie

Scientists working with Bose-Einstein condensates are attempting to create pet neutron stars and bijou supernovas. The swirling vortices in BECs offer scientists an opportunity to study such processes first-hand - without burrowing into a distant star. The possibilities don't end there: "If the condensed atoms [in a BEC were to] attract each other, then the whole condensate can collapse," Ketterle adds. "People have actually predicated that the physics is the same as that of a collapsing neutron star. So it's one way, maybe, to realize a tiny neutron star in a small vacuum chamber." Small, confined and tame - a pet neutron star? It sounds far-fetched, yet researchers are learning to make BECs collapse in real-life experiments. BECs are formed with the aid of magnetic traps. Carl Wieman and colleagues at NIST have discovered that atoms inside a BEC can be made to attract or repel one another by "tuning" the magnetic field to which the condensate is exposed. Last year, they tried both: First, they made a self-repelling BEC. It expanded gently, as expected. Then, they made a mildly self-attracting BEC. It began to shrink - again as expected - but then it did something wholly unexpected. It exploded! Many of the atoms in the BEC flew outward, some in spherical shells, others in narrow jets. Some of the ejecta completely disappeared - a lingering mystery. Some remained as a smaller core at the position of the original condensate. To an astrophysicist, this sounds remarkably like a supernova explosion. Indeed, Wieman et al dubbed it a "Bosenova" (pronounced "bose-a-nova"). In fact, the explosion liberated only enough energy to raise the temperature of the condensate 200 billionths of a degree. A real supernova would have been 1075 times more powerful. But you have to start somewhere. permanent link

6 March 2003 ::

Of course, he didn't get into the crucial corollary problem we'd have to solve if we pulled this off -- namely, Giant Killer Squirrels -- but I'm sure with time we could solve that one too

You've got to love the Internet. The criminal complaint for the mall incident in New York is online. The two guys who were kicked out of the mall were stopping other shoppers to discuss their shirts. Another failure to report meaningful information by the American media, huzzah! permanent link	Mark Sachs
A Miracle of Science delves into computer music. And I don't mean MP3s. permanent link
Did you know that you can be arrested in a New York mall for wearing a pro-peace shirt you bought in the mall? Neither did I. Update: More information on this, via Mark Sachs. permanent link	Jessica Gothie
A scientist on the ISS, working on his own time, has discovered that water in microgravity forms a resilent film like a soap bubble. "I wanted to see what thin films and bubbles might do in zero-g and felt it was a topic ripe for discovery," [said International Space Station science officer Don Pettit]. Pettit prepared a solution of water, soap, and glycerin, and fashioned a bubble-wand from thin wire--a loop that could be re-sized from 3.5 cm (about 1.5 inches) to more than 15 cm (6 inches) in diameter. The experiment was ready. "But first," recalls Petit, "I decided to try a 'dry run' with water only, no soap." He inserted the wand into a zero-g beaker and pulled it out again. "To my amazement," he says, "when the 2-inch loop was withdrawn, a thin film of water clung tenaciously to the loop. I've never before witnessed such a large-scale film of water." To fully appreciate Pettit's discovery, just try the experiment in your own kitchen (on Earth). Fill a bowl with drinking water and fashion an adjustable loop of wire. No matter how hard you try, it's impossible to make water stretch across a loop wider than about 1 cm (0.4 inches). Any film you do make, furthermore, will be fragile. A gentle bump or breath of air will cause it to burst. Pettit's films, on the other hand, were 5 to 11 cm (2 to 4 inches) in diameter and remarkably sturdy. He could shake them vigorously, blow on them ... even paint on them. "They were like little sheets of rubber," he marveled. "They could withstand all sorts of mechanical torture." More data here. permanent link

5 March 2003 ::

Why does this sound like the beginning of one of those ecological cautionary tales featuring the Australian continent? --Mitch Hagmaier

The weblog Maximum Verbosity has linked to this page. I suspect the author of the site found Angels from Another Pin via Fred Coppersmith. Thank you for the link, Betty Ragan of Maximum Verbosity. permanent link
Go watch this Apple commercial parody. It's funny. (Beware: contains bad words.) The Mac is practicing some kind of bizarre psychological warfare on me because I'm working late at night and out of the corner of my eye I keep seeing this thing jumping up and down - the Update Manager is bouncing at the bottom of the screen like a Jack Russell f---ing terrier! permanent link
The 1.5 mile long New York Cross Harbor Railroad snakes through city streets and warehouses to the waterfront, carrying cargo across the water from New York to New Jersey. This cuts hundreds of miles off shipping via the usual rail lines, and keeps thousands of trucks off of Manhattan's streets. permanent link
Would you like to lay odds that Saddam Hussein will become a Backstreet Boy? permanent link	Alyce Wilson

4 March 2003 ::

There once was a man from Peru, Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Jessica also writes some poetry; her efforts extend to rewriting Shakespeare to use anime characters. permanent link	Jessica Gothie
Mitch admits to committing poetry. permanent link	Mitch Hagmaier
Mark says: "You know all those old science fiction stories where they launch one space probe and it comes back with The Secrets Of The Universe? Apparently NASA was on top of that all along. "I mean, seriously, the scale of this boggles me. Age of the universe -- figured it out. Curvature of space -- got it. Hubble constant -- computed. Future evolution of spacetime -- you want fries with that? The Microwave Anisotropy Probe has to be the most successful scientific mission in the history of anything ever; it's nailed down our vision of the universe to a one percent margin of error." permanent link	Mark Sachs

3 March 2003 ::

Henry Kissinger, a former diplomat who has a lot of experience running client states, could be a good fit [as American viceroy in Iraq] if he could be convinced not to plot to assassinate himself

A Miracle of Science is new today. It has floaty things and sound in space and foreboding and stuff. Go read it or you will be struck from orbit with a terawatt laser. Really. We authors can do that. permanent link